Sunday, March 2, 2014

Bad Patch

There's nothing worse than a betrayal. The saddest part is, not knowing what was happening in the past, that moment, the moment when you thought everything was intact-everything-gonna-be-A-ok-we-are-happy but, BUT, he was actually having another relationship.

The emails, messages, were there others? What were in the deleted ones?? Everything is spinning in your now stupid head! I guess you would stupid, you thought you knew everything that's been going on.

The extra phone?? The frequent trips out of town... You feel your happiness shattered into million pieces. 

Secrets.

N and I have only been friends for less than 5 years years but it feels like we've know each other most our lives. One day few months ago, we sat down for a quick breakfast she started telling me of her troubled marriage. She didn't do it deliberately, I was just confirming where she's staying when she told me she had moved to her parents' home awhile already. So heartbreaking seeing her tears... It was so apparent she still loved and cared for her husband very much. 

I'm no angel, and I'm not a perfect wife either. At that moment, I knew she needed a friend to listen for comfort. From what I heard, I should be telling her to leave him. She's a very independent and successful individual, she can take care of herself and her children. She didn't need a man who does not appreciate her to be by her side, she deserved someone better.

No, I didn't tell her to get a divorce. Instead, I told her to hang in there..

To be patient, pray to God and seek for guidance. 

During their temporary separation, the estranged husband fell ill and he called her for help... She didn't have to think twice, she rushed to his aid. She loved him very much, how can she not lend him a hand. But when she visited him at the hospital, he ignored her and the kids. His was more interested to chat with his friends who came by.

I said to her, 'It's ok. He'll change soon. Just be patient.'

I'd sms/bbm her from time to time. We'd chat a bit, she'd tell me how angry she was. How disappointed, how she couldn't take it anymore... 'N, all these are temporary. Give him a chance, be patient. God will help you. He will change when he realizes how lucky he is to have you in his life.'

'Ida, of all my friends, of all my girlfriends, you are the only one who tells me not to give up on this marriage. Everyone just keeps telling me to leave.'

I couldn't tell her to leave him, I knew.., I knew she loved him deeply. All wives love their husbands, who doesn't? No matter how bad N's husband treated her, the last thing she should hear is someone else telling her again and again what a douchebag he was! What I kept telling her was don't ever give up easily on the relationship, always be patient, give him another chance... Give the both of you another chance. Well, unless you're left with bruises, I'd be the first in line to drive you to the police station!

I'm just so happy they are back together now, but I AM not saying it was because of me. I believe Allah reunited them, He gave N back her happiness for being loyal to her husband and marriage. I'm just glad I never told her to ask for a divorce. 

Not easy to just erase the bad patch in a marriage, but we have to try. Can't?? ... Try harder!

When we're hurt, we sometimes choose to turn to our friends to talk to. Me, I want to be the friend who helps going towards a positive path. Not otherwise. 



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