Friday, September 28, 2012

Won't Crumble

The almost-40 syndrome.

Are all men like this??

Why is it when women leave their family (husband & child/children) to pursue their career, they're labelled selfish and damned for putting their career before family. But, when men leave their wives & children for a better job, they are doing it for the family's future, and everyone would say such big sacrifice he's making leaving his hometown and family just to support the family. People's perception is a lot different when it comes to the mother leaving home for a better job. Why? Why women appear unfavorable, and why are men labelled as saints? 

I was equally infuriated as a friend started telling how a mutual male friend had left her 30something wife for a younger woman, who's apparently more outgoing and fun, I guess. "What is it with men nearing 40??! Are they all like that??" I could feel her anger. I feel her. And I feel for the woman whom the husband left for another woman. 

No woman wants a divorce. It's humiliating being abandoned by a husband. 

So, what is it with men nearing 40? They need to feel young again?? Or this is just to prove   to themselves (and their friends???) that they are very much still very desirable? Approving  fb friend requests from unknown women because, it's a 'request'. Not nice to just let them wait to be approved? It that it? What.., just to be polite??

How many question marks already.. ??

When attention is diverted, they (men) will come up with lame explanations why they left... 

~ It just happened.
ya, right.

~ She listens to my problem.
how on earth you started confiding with her (another woman) in the first place man?

~ My wife never home, always working.
to help feed your kids!

~ My wife always too tired to cater for my needs at night.
she's no superwoman you ding dong you!!

~ She makes me feel young again.


~ I can afford to have more than 1 wife.

- I can take care all of you and, still love everyone equally.

If he loves you so much, he won't do this to you, because he knows very well you'd be hurt. No woman wants to share. 

You realize when a man leaves his wife, he leaves his children too? You realize when a man leaves his home, he becomes single and free? You realize when a man leaves his marriage, they always say it's the wife's fault? That the wife doesn't know how to take care of her husband, making her husband goes astray.. When a woman leaves her home, children & marriage, she's a slut. Excuse me.

I always tease my husband, 
"so long you don't marry another..." 
"don't you even think about the idea of having a wife no 2.."

I'm always frank with him, that I do not want to share. He warned I better not mention too much of the matter because who knows it might just happen because as if I'm asking for it, like a little prayer he said. Hello sayang, I'm saying all that to you not to send a little prayer upstairs, but more like honestly bluntly telling you I do NOT like the idea of having you marrying and taking in a second wife. No wife would be happy my love, none. Including me. I like to have you to myself, thank you baby :)

They say if he changes, there is something very wrong. Changes; gathering from my observation, there are three very different kind of change:

1. He's acting cold, distant and different.
2. He's suddenly extra nice, buys you more flowers, and, different. 
3. He dresses differently, still act like the same old him, he wears cologne more often and, like he's in his own world.

Each of the above three change in behavior is usually, sometimes, caused by a presence of another woman. No one knows your husband better than you, his wife. So what do you do? Ask??

Quite a blow to the face if you get the answer you do not want to hear aeh? So how?? Ignore? How you wish things would go back to the way they were. Suddenly, he wants to move out. Kids starting asking for their I-wanna-be-single daddy. Then you start asking yourself all the questions... 'what did I do to deserve this?' 'who's that girl???' 'how am I gonna do this all by myself?' 'am I not good enough?'

Some men are simply dick heads!@! Excuse me, again. 

It's a total nightmare.

Looking at your children's faces you thank God you are alive, you thank God for the love you have for your children. For them, you'd stay strong, for them you'd stay calm, and sane. Reach out to family and friends, ask for help. Life has to go on. No need the pots and pans flying drama, no need. Don't lose your self worth, just because he found someone new. No, she's no one better, she's just someone new, not better. Don't dwell on the past, don't dwell on why are things the way they are now. And pouring out your deep thoughts and bitter heart on the social media is a bad idea girls, you actually look pathetic. Call someone, don't post everything on the wall.

We are women in the modern era, we can take care of ourselves. If you're not a career woman, you can start a small business. Women are strong, we can do anything we set our minds to do. We just have to be extra patient, persistent and diligent. With God's will, we will succeed, I believe that. You have to believe that! If you just have faith in yourself, you will not crumble. 

Take care and have a good weekend :)

buy yourself a bouquet ;)


Anonymous said...

if your man wants u to be fun & outgoing then go with it! be what he wants...what's wrong with it? Make them feel young again..instead of behaving like we are the bibik.

Ida BorneoLove said...

True, I agree... No bibik in our dictionary ladies! Noted with thanks! ;)

Noa Hamrin said...

i was called selfish when planning (& buying flight tix) for holidays with friends. Hubby made me cancelled the vacay last minute, and sacrificing himself to buy me latest Gucci perfume and Jovian's baju kurung for that. Yup, "his sacrifice for my selfishness", padan muka my love..hihi :)

Ida BorneoLove said...


I'd take the perfume & new outfit, plus to spend more time with him. He bought u out didn't he?? hehehee... Yup! They want us to choose, we didn't have to think twice to pick him over a holiday with friends. It was a bonus he got you the awesome gifts ;)

Globalized Dayung said...

Wondering what's going to happen with me as I'm dwelling with many men at the age of 40's? Few are married, and few are singles.... I better go for a single guy....

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