Thursday, January 26, 2012

Dear Anon..,

Comment By Anon on 'Borneo Love Since 1990'


Kak ida, you look stunningly beautiful and aging gracefully bah :p

anyway, i have one question, since you talks a lot about your life, your love life...i think you might have the answer to my question 

Do you think its a must to have your boyfriend/significant other to reply on your bbm/whatsapp?

I do have a boyfriend but yeah, we are distance from each other.. I know that he cares, but whenever he started not to reply my bbm/whatsapp i feel like i am not his priority and at one point i feel like he doesnt bother about me at all, apa gik when i saw him online on yahoomsgr / facebook and commented some other friends..

and of course i have all the silly thoughts that he's seeing someone/flirting with someone 

I dont want to look like im too dependant on him or being possessive at the same time.. 

kak ida, please make me understand men. perhaps, learn how to trust them? Or is just me being paranoid and jealous! ohhh .



and forget to add, he used to layan me more when he was trying to get me. now i think he's more like. ok im home muah nite im going to bed early. thats all. aaaarhhh?

the more i ask questioned him , more i feel like im pushing him away juak. susah nya juak eh.



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Dear Anon,

Thanks so much for the compliment. Now I wanna be Miss Universe. 
Hahaa! Kidding! :)

Sweetie, I'm gonna answer your questions one at a time, line by line...

A 'must' to reply or answer to your sweetheart's messages shouldn't even be described as such that sounds more like an obligation. It's supposed to be a regular thing between couples, especially when you're far away from one another. Anon, I have my own point of view on your next question. I blogged about it awhile ago here. Go to Point No 2. Still, it's just my point of view. I don't really know about your relationship, I'll just answer you with what I know.

It isn't fair to say he doesn't bother about you, you did say you know he cares. And of course, it isn't fair either that you're left with the feelings you have now... Quite natural for us women to feel that way, even a slight resentment or ignorance would prompt us to think that he's had a change of heart. We love attention, and we want all the attention. There's a reason to what you're feeling, and I can't tell you what it is. Only you know. I've mentioned in some of the posts I've written, we women have instincts. Use it. 

Being dependent is okay, but a little bit possessive is also fine. Some men like it, some don't. Some say they need space. Ah hello! If a man started saying that to me, siap! Ehemm..

Having a long distance relationship is never easy. Trust is always an issue... When you start to have doubts and silly thoughts, you'll start to say the most annoying things to your partner whenever he calls. Not good. But, can you help it? Of course not! Curiosity somehow makes your brain goes nuttier than usual. And you never know, the negative instincts could be wrong too... Agree?? Maybe it's just you who's feedings yourself with all the unrealistic thoughts, well, I don't blame you girl! 

There are tell tale signs. Try to analyze them by yourself first. 

Men? The one who makes you cry is the one who actually hurt you the most. You cling too hard, they say you're a nuisance. You ask more questions, you're being paranoid. You ignore him, they'll say you don't care no more. 

Probably he's already 'comfortable' with you, that he's in a 'safe' zone now... He doesn't layan you a much (as how you like it) as he did before maybe because he thinks he doesn't need to anymore, because you both already belong to each other. The problem is now, you still want that extra attention he used to show you, which is absolutely fine. With all the confusions of him ignoring your text messages, it just adds gravity to your discontentment.

Starting to ask him stupid questions will drive him away even further. Showing your distrust would only make you look ridiculous, especially when he's done nothing wrong. Unless you have obvious prove that he's flirting, then it's okay to 'let's sit down and talk'. Even if he did do something wrong, and you know it because you feel it, it's not a good idea to jump right in and start bombarding him with the 'you've-been-unfaithful' like questions. 

Anon dear, I'm no Doktor Cinta. My answers can not be your answers. You will have to decide how to go about your doubtfulness and uncertainties. Only you who knows better the relationship you're in than I do. Try not to jump into conclusions first, be fair to him. Stay faithful, be good to him and understand what he wants, what he needs. God will grant us what we deserve. Have patience :)

In a more general issue; I've came across people who treated their so-called good friends like trash. Stabbing from behind is what that would make their day feel 'complete'. Your boss will notice your good performance, and your non-productive lazy attitude surely wouldn't be unnoticed too! So, if you did get that 'we're not renewing your contract' letter, Tepuk Dada Tanya Selera. So, be good to friends, lovers, siblings, and be a trustworthy employee. You will be happy. 

If it is apparent that he still loves you, don't worry too much. When you do get to sit and spend extra time together, talk it over. Tell him of your feelings, that you're scared that being apart from one another too long will have negative effects to the relationship. Don't talk about this through the phone. 

I would like to apologize if in anyway I've offended you, and forgive me if I didn't give the answers that you sought for. Thank you Anon and, take care :)

6 comments:

Chii said...

i've been in a long-distance relationship for almost 2 years now and so far (despite some obstacles) it's going pretty smooth.

i've faced the same situations before and sis ida, what u advised here were all true. the best thing to do is talk with him. tell him what you've been feeling. don't afraid to show him what you really feel. don't be afraid to appear clingy - i think all women are like that. you can be clingy but must give him some space, too. yes, trust ur instincts. trust him. have faith.

my fav quote: "every relationship has its problems but what makes it perfect is when you still want to be there when everything sucks".

:))

Anonymous said...

:)

Ida BorneoLove said...

Tq Chii!! That's so heartwarming. We women... Hmmm, only the one who truly loves us understands us :)

Chii said...

only the one who truly loves us will put up with our s***.

lemonade said...

My advice to Anon - Stop bbm/whatsapp him..He'll miss u and will start sending long messages. However, if he keep silence, meaning he have someone else.

Globalized Dayung said...

I've been in that situation before when I was in my first year in the States. Nothing work out because the guy did the biggest mistake by not being AN HONEST PERSON. God is good as He wants me to have THE BEST MAN in my life. Now, I'm waiting for something miracle. And the miracle do happen. Two hearts start as friends. Soon Dayung will be back home,and God can give a star to her...One by one! It's not about the distant, it's all about two hearts who want to be together....

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