Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Mother-In-Law from...

.... Hell. Why? Why is there ever such a phrase? 

One of the few common problems that couples face in their relationship is, 'The Mother'.

Yup, it's a pity. Puzzles should fit. If mom doesn't approve, you're in for a tough ride. 
Puzzles don't fit, no union, no wedding. 

You might not 'see' it, but your mother seems to know better than you, which is always, always not fair that she judges your boyfriend from only the first impression. You have to understand, she only wants what's best for you. 

I mean, she wouldn't just say that the guy's not a good match for you before she even met with him. There are certain criteria that are expected of your potential husband. But, if he...

1. has long hair (though he drives a Porsche)
2. doesn't have a steady job now (though he looks polished)
3. is a Musician (though he earns like millions)
4. is a duda with children (though he's a true gentleman)
5. earns much less (though he's crazy good looking)

... chances are if you bring home a guy who possesses at least one or more of the above criteria, mother is not happy. 

No difference if you're a guy. When your mother doesn't like your girl, this sticky situation is gonna take a lot out of you. Convincing mom that she is the one for you that you don't want no other girl is never easy specially if mom had seen her eye-popping pics all over facebook. Seriously, most moms would want their sons to marry a good well-mannered young lady.

So, one day, you manage to get mom gives her blessings for you to marry your partner. Because of mom's undivided love for you, she lets you marry the girl of your dream. But, this doesn't end here... Some marriages end in seperations because couples don't handle this situation well. 

....Wife said mother-in-law hates her, and let it all out on the husband. Husband feels the pressure, but after getting too much 'non-sense' from little wifey, he can't take it anymore. Little remarks later turn into big huge fights. Once, there was a lot of love between hubby & wifey... Now, there're only discontentment and much less affection.

What you shouldn't do is snap back at your wife when she comes to you for comfort. You're her protector, her knight in shining armor... Give her assuring words, rub her back and tell her it's ok, that she has you. Can lie a bit maaaaa...

"Forget what mom said dear... She didn't mean to hurt your feelings. You know how she is... Come! Let's go for ice-cream." There you go!! Was that hard to say???

Is it worth it to lose your wife over a nagging mother? No no. Don't think so. At times like this, only you (the husband) who can actually fix this uncomfortable situation between your mom & your wife. I've seen a horrible situation. 

Husband beating up his wife and drag her from one room to another by her hair... Children could only watch in horror. What kind of a man does that?? You only get into a physical fight with another man, not with your wife. This situation can be avoided or if it did happen, husband & wife can go for counseling and domestic violence can be stopped. But why let it start in the first place?

I'd say... sokong isteri, pujuk ibu.

Ada paham??

Have a slow talk with mom. But never get all Hulky green and kick on her living room door and accuse her of deliberately hurting your wife! There are moms out there who have a hard time letting go of their sons... You have to understand your mom's feeling too, not just your wife's. A mother subconsciously feels jealous that the love of her life now belongs to another woman, you have to know that. You can't tell her that she's being childish or unrealistic about it all. You didn't give birth.

If it didn't work the first or second time, you have to keep trying. And your wife will have to work at it too. Uh-uh..! I know ladies. Sucking up to mother-in-law (who clearly doesn't really like you) is no holiday. Gifts are good, but do it on special occasions, but not every time you pay a visit... birthdays & Mother's Day are good. But don't give up. Act as if you don't notice her resentment towards you. If she looks to her left, you don't react by turning to your right. Don't bring yourself to behave like how she's behaving towards you. Try to make small talks, slowly... 

"I like this tea mom, what brand are you using??" ... I think you get the idea.

It's hard, I know. The key is to be patient. Don't hide away, don't avoid visits to her house. Sometimes, try to go visit her by yourself. You might cook something extra special on one Saturday for lunch, why not pack some for your mother-in-law? She might comment your dish was a disaster or, it was lacking all crucial seasonings but, take those positively. God is great, He will assist those who are sincere & who don't give up. It may take you 2 month, maybe 2 years, or longer! But you have to keep trying. Your husband will love you more too! Remember, you do this because you want to be happy and because you want to have a long harmonious marriage. 


So, the dreadful 'Mother-In-Law From Hell' doesn't exist in your life. Because you don't let it.

While finishing up this post, I just realized that today is
Borneo Love's 3rd Birthday!

I almost missed it!! Happy Birthday baby :)
We've come a long way since our 1st post ha? 

Thanks to my family for they are my true inspirations. With their love, I am the person who I am today and thank you Allah for all the blessings He has given me.


Chii said...

haha. sooo true. when i first met my bf's mom, i was nervousss! i want her to like me. turns out, she did like me, but because i'm from sabah, she didn't approve our relationship at first. padah nya jauh..(she wants her son to marry their org kpg). i almost gave up (bf n i almost broke up) but i stayed strong. i called her occasionally. wished her birthday and mother's day, even christmas, happy new year etc. at last she gave us her blessing. i think it's because hatinya dh "cair" and she saw us sooo happy together. now everytime she talks to my bf, she'll ask him when we will get married. lol.

Coffee Girl said...

Happy Anniversary Borneo Love! May you live on and share more happy informative interesting posts in more birthdays to come. :-)

"sokong isteri, pujuk ibu" - totally agree with this.

Tia said...

Happy Anniversary !!!! Makin hebat blog tok eh! keep it up dear fren..

Ida BorneoLove said...


Seeeee...? All we need is patience, kan kan? All the best to you and your future hubby :D *maok set date tu!*

Coffee Girl,

Thanks so much love! So sweet of u, i'm touched ;') Makin semangat maok tulis.


Thank you thank you for your warm wish! Over lebar my senyum :D
Yes, selagi hayat di kandung badan, saya akan teruskan!

Lyn Zamhari said...

nice piece of work, Aunty!

...now you're making me nervous :P hehe.

anyway, Happy Anniversary Borneo Love! <3

∂α∂уαиα said...

Happy Anniversary Borneo Love.

I feel nervous to go to someone's house this coming Christmas. =.= sighh.

Ida BorneoLove said...

Lyn honey, thanx! Apa nak d nervous... your time ada few years gik. Study lok ok? Auntie maok nanggar ktk org bertopi segi empat dolok! :D

Dadyana, you gonna have to face it sooner or later. Just be nice & kind with smile to everyone you're meeting. Dont have to suck up, no need. Dont sit at the corner & wait for people to say hi. Relax :)

MaMabel said...

Hi kak Ida, nice post! Love it! i was nervous too when I first met my MIL but I managed to overcome the feelings. Hahaha...yes, you are correct...no need to suck up, just be yourself!

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