Sunday, November 6, 2011

Burdened By Love


Can you blame our men for fuming over our absurd behavior & requests?? Really, it is not easy to please us ladies. When we're single, we wish men would come raining down on us and we will take whatever that are served on our plates (reminds me of an ad where women fell from the sky because this guy was wearing a super cool cologne, cute!) Hmm... I'm making men sound like food, am I not?? Well, it is for me at least. My significant other is like food to me, without him, I'll starve.

My husband presented me this cute little choker (in 1989) 
less than two months after going out together. 
(No, I didn't even call it dating, because we're just friends!)


What happens when you lose that chemistry? 

What will you do when all that you both do is argue, go on silent-mode, and, phone calls are just a 'Hi.'?

No more cute text messages, no more giggling over the phone listening to each other's silly little stories about the day at work/college...

All of a sudden, that negative thought starts creeping into your mind. You would hear your own whispers asking, "what the hell is happening to us??" Oh ya. You know it when this happens... Where's the chemistry?? When that denial feeling has broken through that delicate wall of togetherness, breaking up is inevitable. 

Not listening to your woman as much as she wants you to, or, not giving enough material things are only few of those things that men has learned to pay attention to on how to keep the apple their eyes happy, always. I came to know that, there are women out there who doesn't like to be showered with gifts. I know, confusing isn't it??

Yes, trust me. There are people who feel burdened by this gesture. And for some women, having a boyfriend who spends more on himself than she does on herself is somewhat, scary. This only happens if you know your boyfriend doesn't actually earn a 5 digit income monthly. The girlfriend begins to picture the future; 

"I'm gonna be saving money, he's gonna be spending the money?? Mannn, what am I getting myself into??! :o"

Human nature, the more you earn, the more you spend... To be fair..., okay. I'll give you a scenario. In time, husband-to-be will get promoted thus will earn better pay. You think he'll spend like when his salary was 50% less than what he's earning now? Of course not! He would wish he could buy a yacht in five years!

This supposedly small matter will erupt into huge fights & bitter arguments and ultimately, painful breakups & divorce. Simply because wife cannot stop husband from going on shopping sprees... Believe it guys (I'm talking to you men out there), some women can really think realistically (Hmm... I can't, sometimes...). This scary habit eventually would drive some women away from their men. Just because he's a shopaholic and she's not.

But, there is what we call a 'match made in heaven', so to speak. Couple would race among  themselves who can spend the most of the family income! OmG! Scarrrryyyy...! This happened- This one guy bought himself a BMW, and he had to get the wife one too. Because the wife wouldn't let the husband had EveryThing to himself, alone. They ended up getting a second mortgage on their house & there was a time when they couldn't afford to pay for the monthly Astro subscription. 

There are 2 different matters here; A woman driven away from her man because she's scared of his spending habits and, a woman felt burdened by a man because he showers her with gifts. Okay, these two characters probably would come from the same person. Paired with a guy who's a shopping junkie?? Result, chemistry will lose its magic.

Feeling burdened by love does not just happen to men. A man sometimes would pull himself away from a too-clinging woman, which we women have heard of from the beginning of time! Woman too, on the other hand, would get turned off from the pressure of too much affection and attention. The affection-attention thingy includes showering their women with gifts. I know, CONFUSING.

When I started going out with my husband, my then boyfriend, we started out as just friends. Very soon I noticed of his feelings towards me wasn't all just-friends kinda thing. I could feel he was falling in love with me. We were young... Yea, you may say it's monkey love but, here we are... 22 years later :D

Less than 2 months after our first outing together, he handed me a gold necklace with a heart shaped pendant engraved with a letter 'A', simply a friendly gift he had said. The next one week, I couldn't stop feeling all stressed out and guilty for wearing an expensive gift from whom I regarded as just a friend.

I returned the necklace to him. I told him I didn't deserve such an expensive gift from him, my friend. He insisted it was just a friendly gesture, but I couldn't take it back. From where I came from, the gold necklace was too extravagant to be considered as a simple gift from a friend. From where I came from, it was meant to given to a fiance or a wife. 

Of course, I knew why he got it for me. He really liked me and I was positive he was in love with me. But I wasn't ready, I told him the gift should be for a special person, who has the same feeling as he was. I wasn't that person. He was heart broken.

But we didn't break up or anything, we continued seeing each other and in time, we couldn't stay away too long from one another. For this part, I have to give most of the credit to my husband, he never gave up on me. One day, after almost a year since our first outing, I asked him if he still kept the gold necklace. I said I wanted to wear it. When he handed me the same envelope that I gave him (with the necklace wrapped neatly inside a piece of facial tissue), I noticed he never opened the envelope or checked on its content. I basically unwrapped the gold necklace that I myself put inside a tissue less than a year before that...

Well, that's my story. Honestly, after giving him back the necklace, I wanted out. The pressure was a bit too much knowing how he was feeling towards me. But... he was just too kind to me. And his patience melted me. I didn't want to hurt him and I wasn't seeing anybody at the time anyways. 

*smiling to myself* I got hooked in the end ;)

How to sum this up? Really, I am no expert. But, I'd like to give my own point of view. Here goes... For some relationships, opposite attracts will bring a lifetime of happiness and bliss. For some, it simply won't work. Don't deny the chemistry but, don't ignore if it has subsided either.

No one wants to get hurt. But take this from me, hurt IS good sometimes. It teaches you of  human behavior and it gives you invaluable lessons in love. These lessons would open you up to be a better partner (and person in general) in a relationship and realize that there is no perfect human being. So, don't beat yourself up when you fail in love. He or she was just not for you. 

Don't be burdened. Be sensible and realistic. Don't force to put those pieces of puzzles together. If they don't match, move on. 

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