Monday, December 27, 2010

What Manners Most

Wohh.. what a year! Alhamdulillah, it's been good. I am so grateful for what I have.  Most thankful for having such wonderful and healthy children. To know that you're a lucky parent is such a blessing. Taking up a new job earlier this year has truly given me & my family a lot of better opportunities. Really, children are just full of blessings & great fortune. But, they don't come in abundance.. you just have to be patient and always be grateful for whatever you have now.

Me & my primary 6 classmates had a very small reunion last week and my dear friend was asking me how I manage to have such good mannered teenagers. How I 'trained' them to value what they have without asking for more. She said she's having a hard time sometimes when taking her children out to the malls as they would ask her to buy them whatever they ask for, almost too often.

"Dear.. you are so financially well established when you had them and you have made it a habit of buying them what they don't actually need." I said to my dear friend.

You see, me & my hubby have always been struggling when my kids were much much younger and whenever we go out, it's seldom about shopping for new toys or new clothes. I have no problem taking them to Toy R Us unlike some people I know telling me that their children would throw tantrums unless they leave the toy store with what they want. 

And my friend said she is also amazed that my kids don't change their school bags every year. I told my friend it's a bit hard to explain how I did it, basically, I just explained to my kids that shopping is a real luxury. We don't have that luxury. School bags is only one of those situations..., if they are still good, no holes underneath or bad tear, well, there is no need for a new bag, is there? Seri has been using her Nike school bag ever since she was 7, she's 17 next year. And she doesn't want a new school bag next year. 

As they grow, they are trained and live to understand that they don't have to have everything that their friends have. They don't have to wear the 'in' thing because they are aware that our family don't own a tree that grows money. Honestly, I don't remember seeing any of my kids throw embarrassing tantrums in the shopping malls because mama & papa won't buy them the toys that they want. You have to make them understand your financial standings from a very young age. From as early as 1 year old, when they (your toddlers) start roaming the shopping malls. Even if you CAN really AFFORD the moon, if you don't start now, you'll have a hard time dealing with these issues by the time they are 8, and it will be impossible when they are 15. Trust me. 

It is not about you have the money or not, it's about your children understanding that they don't have to have ALL that they want. That they have enough for now, that money don't just fall on their parents' laps. I tell you, it's not easy dealing with a spoilt child. 

And how to pick the right hubby?? You know what I always tell them? 

"Make sure you know HE is more into you that YOU are into him." Really, if you experience the slightest doubt, don't. If it takes him hours to reply your text, think again girl. Sleeping? Okay laaa.. but you know it when he is wide awake somewhere in his office or outside with a good working phone. But, we women have instinct. Use it. Too often he said he'll call, too busy, you are too good for him girl. 

I know two women. They 'waited around' for their fiances for like over two years. One of them told me she would wait around by the phone every Saturday for the her x-fiance to call on Saturday afternoons.. to see if they are going out or not. They don't see each other during the week, so, she's always eager for weekend to arrive. He would pick her up on Saturday afternoons and send her straight back home after a movie or meal, and she would wait patiently again for next Saturday. Everything just suddenly ended after three years. 

The other one was having an argument with her x-fiance and he hasn't bothered to call her for a week. I told her she should not let him treat her the way he did, she didn't listen. Then she 'gave in', bought him a gift just to make up... It wasn't even her fault. Last I heard they went separate ways after three years of engagement. It's obvious to me these two women loved their men so much but you know when you don't get the same response. You know it. Don't deny it, you'll be wasting you time if you just sit there waiting.  

Waiting is okay if you know in your heart he loves you to death. It shows in the most little things he does.. Wiping off that smeared mayo at the corner of your mouth, pulling your chair when you're about to get up, handing you some coins for the RM5.30 sanitary pads at the cashiers, touching your back lightly when stepping on the escalator, sending a smiley text message, sharing his phone credit.. uuuhhhh! Romantic. Yes, he still does those things to me even after 20 years together :D

I mean, choosing a husband it not just by his romantic gestures only okay? I was sitting at the airport the other day and saw this fella sitting with his feet up. HeLo! This is not your home!?? Fine.. How ever makes you comfortable, show the whole world what beautiful feet you have. I sat down when he finally moved away. 

Then a couple sat next to me... guess what??!

Yup.. feet up, AGAIN. And this is a different fella. What the *******! If I was the wife, I'd be annoyed and embarrassed! OH My BloG!! Where are your manners men? Ehh!! My husband isn't perfect but one of the reasons I accepted him to be my life partner is because he has good manners and he is a real gentleman. No, he IS NOT perfect, he makes me cry sometimes but he would not embarrass me. 

I tell you, I never saw my hubby dig his fingers in his nose as long as I've been with him. Yes, really!! Always, he makes sure he wears long pants/jeans when stepping out of the house, no shorts or bermudas going to the malls or pasar ikan. Always in shoes to keep toes clean he had said. Slippers, very seldom. But feet up in public, NO NO, never. Oh gawdd..!! Please girl, make sure you make the right decisions. Personally for me, this kind of attitude has a lot to do with self discipline and way of life. How can you not think of what others around you think of you? Well ya, uh-uh... so what with what others think?? So the hell with what others think! What about your wife/partner sitting next to you? Wouldn't she feel embarrass by your bad manners and behavior? Being romantic with perfect manners will not make us women happy. What will make us happy?? Great love with romantic gestures & good manners! And good money :)

Yes darling, money helps, not always.. but it really makes a difference. Not enough money? No sweat.. No need for that honeymoon then... No need for that new washing machine or leather couch with jumbo air conditioning. What I want most is an ever loving husband, who's able to provide me with a proper roof over my head and enough money to put food on the table. With his feet 'firmly' on the ground :)



bena kak...kmk sik brapa suka laki sbarang glak olah area public..baru smlm klaka dgn gerek mek when i saw one man fingering his nose while waiting food served at SCR!! ceridak ada jak..wuueek!

Anonymous said...

Ye lah. Paling tak suka lelaki tak sopan! Tak malu, huih!!

Noreen Ruszalin said...

True that kak ida.. a really good advice ;)

Ida Athanazir said...

viv.. ya nang typical gilak!! ceridak paling sik dpt dimaafkan ya! yuccckkkk!!!!

ano.. memang tak tau malu. Saya tak mau suami saya malukan saya, that's for sure!

noreen.. tq. Ambik yg baik, yg salah silap saya jadikan sempadan.

Lemonade said...

can't agree more!!

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