Thursday, November 4, 2010

Lying Jerks!

Never say never. Especially issues relating to men. 

"I've had it with men.. I can never trust one again. I'm done."

"Marry?? Never again."

"I will never ever date as long as I live."

You are not standing in their shoes, how would you know what they went through. I don't, but I think I can understand. The frustrations, disappointments, heartbreaks. They say, once bitten, twice shy. 

L is in no rush to remarry. Any issues relating to men on marriages, polygamy and unfaithfulness, she would be the leader (of us girls) in the discussions condemning on men's behavior. 'Bully' is her favorite word. Marriage is not in her future to do list, for now.

They got engaged, it was 3 months to their wedding day when Z received the call at work... It was her fiance's wife. Z felt her whole world turned upside down and her head just went completely blank. Shocked. 

*This is not happening...* Thinking to herself and OMG...! Her dear parents. Her dear father. He was the one who witnessed her fiance said his first pronouncement of the 'Shahaadatayn' (declaration of faith). Her daddy was the one who signed as witness on her fiance's application form at the Majlis Islam... Husband to be declared he was 'Single' & 'Childless'. Liar!! How could someone lie to elderlies who took them into their lives, with open arms, guiding  and holding his hand like he was their own. Z had to convince her daddy he's a good man. That she wanted her parents to accept him wholeheartedly... for they're in love and intended to marry.  

Little that Z knew the wife already contacted her father earlier. Still in a daze after hanging up the phone, her father called awhile later and asked her to come meet him immediately. The moment she sat down, her father threw copies of marriage & birth certificate (of her fiance's child) to her face. The look on his face was enough to convince Z of what she's going to do after that, she didn't need any 'we'll talk this over' crap, 'daddy please forgive him' nonsense... 

Z made a 'brave' call to her 'sweetie' asking him to come over to daddy's office because dad has an urgent matter regarding their wedding that needed to be discussed. Z didn't wait, she had things to settle at home, she knew what to do next. By the time darling fiance reached daddy's office, Z was already on her way home with just a single thought on her mind, the wedding was off. 

Some of his stuffs were at her parents' house. She packed everything within an hour and by the time he walked in, looking all white and pale, his bag was already packed. Begging to Z's mom to forgive him for lying to the family was useless. He knelt down and anchored himself to his supposedly mother-in-law to be at her ankles seemed pointless too. 

He didn't want to leave but Z told her fiance to go back to his wife and settle things with her, she already bought him a ticket to fly back home. His wife had told Z that she has been looking for him for months. Jerk! As soon as he left, Z changed her cell phone and home number. Told her colleagues she didn't want to take any calls from him. 

How could Z be accused of stealing another woman's husband if she didn't even know that he was married? How would anyone have known?? 

"Hi... urmm.. before we go any further, I would like to know if you're hiding anything from me??" Thinking that we're being smart.. but men on the other hand would think we're just simply being perasan, pushy and paranoid. How to ask that question? Instinct?? Signs.. Yes,  Z saw the signs. But love is blind, love conquers all. Tutup mata. 

Luckily for Z she found out sooner, before they marry. She said she's had enough of men. Gaining trust is not easy after experiencing such betrayal. She did meet someone, he was a very good friend from the beginning. It just happened, they fell for one another though she knew he's married. NO. It couldn't go on. She broke it off. 

L was somehow against marriage after her divorce. Bitter... "Why marry?" "No need to marry so soon, why need to??" Her view towards men and marriages are always negative, seemed like she will never give love another try.  She recently went out on dates with a single father. She's enjoying it and seems happy. It's a huge surprise to her when he asked her out because they were classmates. "I like you ever since we're classmates in primary school. " He had said to her... Looks like her perception of men changes overnight, simply because he was smitten by her. And she knows it, she feels it and loving it! It used to be a 'never' thing whenever any issues relating to men & marriage come up. But now, she glows. Funny what dating does to people. Black suddenly turns to white. 

He texts, he calls... day and night. She is feeling excited and exhilarated. Who wouldn't? Romance makes us go googoogaga, don't you agree?? 

Men can easily say NO to his board members, or to his wife. But when his girlfriend asked for a car.. "Ahhh.. yes yes baby. I will get you one. Soon... Okay Okay! Tomorrow we go car shopping, ya sayang?" Men's ultimate weakness are WOMEN. Not true?? hahahahhh... True lah. If a man is smitten, he will get all gaga around her. You dare tell me it isn't true? Yeah right. 

The same goes for us women, men make us go all weak at the knees, and not to mention the brain. **love the way you lie, I like the way it hurts** It only hurts because we love them so much, we wouldn't feel anything if otherwise. We would do anything for our sweetheart, reload his prepaid, do his laundry, cook for him, get our dad to be a witness when he embraces Islam! 

When I was dating my husband, I didn't do anything that he wouldn't want me to do. Someone asked me last week, "Wahh... you married so young? So, you missed all that clubbing and enjoy enjoy thing lah??!" Yes, I missed it all. And I do not wish I had done it. All simply because I love him very much and I didn't want to hurt him. Going out clubbing would annoy him. We do anything for love. 

I told Z she should have dated other people at the same time but how could she have known? She was being faithful to her boyfriend/fiance, how would she know if he was lying the whole time? She is not thinking about men at this time. What makes her happy these days are outings with her friends. I hope she will date again, she is a very deserving person. 

L on the other hand is floating in space! Dining, texting, walks at the Waterfront... love is in the air. You know the feeling... We all love the feeling but when things suddenly go wrong, men are just simply, jerks, we would say. All the best to you two Love Birds :)

Telling my baby where I'm at, where I'm going, who I'm seeing, is a way of showing how much I love him. He too  wants to know whatever I'm up to simply because he cares.

"Sayang, I did bb you.. See?? Sent already."
"Hmm... I only received much later lah dear..."


Globalized Dayung said...

The Z's story makes me remember of my past!!! Still traumatize but I gain my respect as a woman. Make friend with many men now but will find the right 1. Only time can tell & of course I need to finish my study. If the 1 cares about me, he will wait for me to come as his Queen in his heart...Bless me

Ida Athanazir said...

Bless you love.
Finish your study and i hope you will find happiness. He is out there..

Cyril Dason said...


I cant help thinking this is an article from the papers... nicely written.

Anyway, the world is wide, the choices vary. Mistakes are made, and promises are broken Its all part of life.. To turn the switch off would mean staying away from the journey of life.

What happened in the past may be cruel and seem unforgiving, but it is more on how you take the future which will make a difference :-)

Being loved, feeling love, and making love are some of the best feelings in life...

Anonymous said...

:( I experience something like that. Thank you 4sharing.

Asma Jalalyna said...

Kak, tq tq... Z's story is my past... no1 will understand wut i've been thru unless they're in my shoes... but dat experience, makes me more stronger n makes me so picky if its come to men...

I love this n3 so much Kak... it tells dat i'm not alone... tq...

Ain said...

i really like this N3. It's nice to know L has found new love...Everyone deserves to be loved. Being hurt is actually a way of teaching us to appreciate love more...when it comes

Coffee Girl said...

Women say men r jerks. Men say women r bitches. And that's bitterness talking. Who knows what goes on in a man's head these days? Or a woman's?

CoKeLaT-RaWkZ said...

Dear Ida,

I had this in the past. I kenak tipu mantak2 masa betunang. When one day, the monster's wife called me up and bukak cerita dari mula sampai abis. She loves her hubby so much and wondering why he did that to her.

on the monster penipu side: he told me that he divorced, the wife sik berapa gilak wth him and she's a tomboy. apakah???? mmg teruk me that time sampai the wife's family mok report me to UiTM mpun orang atasan.

after that I jerak, tapi kept on kenak kacau laki orang, quite a few. Why must laki orang? I sik ngaco sidak pun. There were few times, their wives ngipak ai dekat cafe, hidup ai dalam ketakutan.

Bila my weight start nait, kurang juak urg ngaco. So my weight keeps increasing, makin sikda gik org ngaco. dolok masa kerja di private, my own boss harrasing me, sending me dirty emails and invitations for dates.

so one day, we met up at hospital, he almost fainted to see me in my BIGGER SIZE and said,


TAPI yang pasti renungan dari matanya tidak lagi menggoda aku tapi jijik ngan aku

hahahahahah ahahahahahhah yessss.. S

jatuh cinta sangat indah tp bila kecewa?

Ida Athanazir said...

Cyril, thanx so much for the compliment. Makin semangat I write eh... :D

Asma, u'r welcome. Yeah true, it makes u stronger and makes u more aware people's behavior. Bagus sik semesti baik.

Ain, past xperience give u a chance to treat others better too, because we want to be treated the same

Coffee girl, i hav no idea what goes in a man's head though i sleep with one everynight :P

C Rawkz, wow! i actually dont xpect a lot of ppl i know xperience the same thing that my friend Z did... You should make a formal complaint for the harassment, at least, dpt juak xtra cash. Hee heee.. no, it's no laughing matter but org laki kdg2 pikir they can do whatever they like! Well, some men think pakei LUTUT nya! And blood flow byk pegi ke 'sia' ajak that's y sik abis abis menggatal.

Neilly Aouzurra said...


I soooooo understand how Z felt.. ! I can't say much coz you've written it all here & it's all true!

To Z.. it's not easy to what you've gone thru. My sympathy to u but i just hope you'll be brave out der. Men? hmm.. unpredictable.. u can live with dem & you can't live without dem.. shit at time! I just hope you'll find your happiness (dont know when) one day & may god bless you owes..
(trust me.. i DO KNOW what you've gone thru)

Sis, i really love your article dis time..:D Really reminds me of emmm......

Anonymous said...

its a good story to share.To remind all ladies to be extra careful when it comes to men.Cant really trust men 100%.Especially married men,cos they have the advantage and experience on women.To Z,never give up on love.Bcos there is someone good and sincere out there for her.Married man is a 'No''No' in every girl's dictionary. It only spell 'TROUBLE'.Keep up the good work Ida!Looking forward for your next issue...

Ida Athanazir said...

Neilly, I'm glad you dropped by.
Only god knows how us women feel when our hearts are broken.. time sometimes doesn't really heal. But we have to move on..

tq anonymous... If love is blind, the word 'trouble' looks like 'rainbow' :)

Wan Sharif said...

Nice, educational and inspirational entry..
You buat Ayoh Wang teringat zaman dolu dolu..

Ida Athanazir said...

Wan, tq. Ada byk lagi crita nak di share, untuk sandaran kita semua.

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