I arrived at my friend's bakery shop Everybread at half past 5 and the conversation/discussion was heating up. My single twin Sis Ina was so in major disagreement I thought the table was gonna fly out the door.. through the glass!
Harus? Wajib?? Bully.. privilege, advantages, selfish...?
No doubt, Muslim men has the upper hand and extra privileges compare to Muslim women. They can have four wives, with the reason "Jatuh Harus/Wajib" to avoid the breaking of religious or moral law (maksiat). Ina kept stressing, "That's Bully!" And the word bully kept coming out of her mouth when Azrul said it is Jatuh Harus (as confirmed by an Ustaz, he claimed) if the husband requested for his 'fetish' to be fulfilled by his wife. A guy (I have no idea who...) wants his wife to have a tattoo. He went to 'check' with an Ustaz if the Haram thing (the tattoo) is allowed if the husband wants it on his wife... "BULLY!!" ...Ina looked like an angry mummy gorilla! "HARUS." Azrul stressed.
In this world of civilization (except in few parts of the world) men & women have equal rights... whatever you call it. Ok Stop! I don't want to use the 'civilization' era to be the reason men should give women extra credit and privileges so we are equal. As if men in this era have to give up their privileges?? If so, if any man who 'thinks' that way, then they're the one who actually think that they are giving up their advantages & upper hand. Which to me, men who think that way are selfish and would by any chance would take the advantages of their privileges at any given opportunity.
Being a Muslim woman, I know and understand that Muslim men have a lot of advantages. A Muslim wife's key to heaven is her husband. Not that hard la... make him happy and just do as you're told. Urmmm... that didn't come out good, no?
The Ustaz said it is okay for the wife to have a tattoo on her, all for the husband's viewing pleasure because the husband wants it. But the Ustaz did not mention the sin part... To me, both husband and wife will 'tanggong dosa' because tattoo in Islam, by all means is 'Haram'. Though ya, it is 'Jatuh Harus' for the wife to have tattoes on her because the husband desires it and Mr Ustaz approves it. And extra note, marrying another woman for his heart desires it.. to avoid 'maksiat', which Mr Ustaz also seconds it.
It's okay maa... still got few more quotas (4 maximum!), go ahead, who's gonna stop you? Us wives?? *rolling up her sleeves and ....* And what? What can I do?!?? Stop you? "Hey, Ustaz says it's better to avoid any maksiat." ...... Ahhh.. Excuses!
You know, if a man loves one woman enough, he wouldn't even start thinking to have a second wife. If a man starts saying.. "I can afford it. I have the privileges, I have the right..." And yes you are the luckiest man on earth if your wife is willing and happy to share (the willing wife sure go to heaven one). I'd be hurt, any woman (I mean, most women) would. And if my husband loves me enough, he would not do anything (on purpose) to hurt me. Yes, I'd do anything my husband ask me to do, just to make him happy. If his fetish is to see his wife with tattoos, hmmm... I'll have to think about it. Maybe, I'll ask him to do it first, then I'll do it.
There are good men out there who would take more wives just to help the single mothers who have children to feed and to take care. These men are humble, sincere & can afford to feed more than one household. They marry more than one not for lust, but to help. And there are cases where the ailing first wife insists the husband to take a second wife so that the husband would have someone to take care of him.
Waiving his advantages and privileges is the most unselfish act by a husband. We are not just equal, we man & woman are human being. Equal as human being. Ask any man, would they share their wife with 3 other men? Silly fetishes can be controlled and forgotten. Still want to have his fetish fulfilled, because Ustaz says it's 'Harus'??? That's selfish.