Thursday, March 4, 2010

3 Wives Tales

"Wahh... looking at wedding photos... For sure you are going to be next??!" She commented teasingly but in a friendly way. But I noticed it wasn't welcomed as funny to Miss T. "Nolah! Just looking laa... someone tagged me, so I just look look lah." T didn't even turn her head to look at L.

Miss T is single and maybe she was a bit offended by the comment and probably the thought of being single and no confirm date to marry (or ever!) stressed her out a bit. L was just being playful. Sometimes have to see the situation first before commenting on anything but I'm sure L did not mean to be offensive. Clearly T didn't find it funny.

Marriage... it makes you happy, it makes you sad, it makes you angry, it confuses you. Not the marriage laaa..., it's the men that we marry. I was sitting with three women couple of weeks ago and had a brief chit chat about their relationship and marriage. One ... no... Two are divorced (one about to remarry) and the third woman's FB status says - 'it's complicated'.

The third woman (we call her M) left KL (to stay in Kuching for awhile she had said and doesn't know till when) and brought along all her little children. Six of them, ranging from 3 months to 10 years old. 

Miss N was married to someone's husband (now divorced with 2 children and the x-husband divorced the wife to be with her more than 10 years ago) and about to marry another woman's husband. The other divorcee had said she will never remarry coz men a jerks! :)) Not all men lah sayang.. 

I asked N bluntly how is the future husband's financial standing, she told me he can really afford 2 wives! I said to her, "Good for you dear! If he makes you happy, go ahead!." Honestly, I am happy for her and GUYS, money do make us happy. Well, it is a big bonus.. Love comes first but sometimes no-money issue can be a source of major conflict in a relationship. That is why you must find a wife/husband (men also ah!!) who is not a Mata Duitan. Why do people always associate women as Mata Duitan?? I know few people who married their wives who are millionaires' daughters. But, usually these kind of relationship wouldn't last long ... some do. Lucky guy! Drive the wife's car, work with the wife's family company ... Rezeki seseorang they say. 

Back with N... "So, you're gonna be the second wife?" I asked her again. "Yes Ida." She answered me comfortably. My mom used to say to never be a madu. I asked her why not?? If the guy can really afford to buy you a car, give extra extra extra pocket money, furnish you with a home and really knows how to divide his time plus being loving at the same time, why the hell not??! I had said to my sister to find herself a Tan Sri or a Datuk if it is too hard finding her Mr Right. Of course, I am not really serious about the Tan Sri thing but I would support whatever decision about her marrying a rich man... who is married.

Yes, money is important, very very important. Don't marry a man who will give you nothing but misery (regarding money of course) and who is lack of discipline. Discipline.. Work. Discipline about work and life. If going to work means waking up at 10 or 11 in the morning is the best that he can offer .. you're a big girl. Make a wise decision. Don't complain later he is lazy, he does not care, he does not give me money to buy the grocery... hello dear, you married the guy.

Where were we actually... ahhh... The 3 women... I pity M's little children, I don't know what really happened and I didn't want to ask. But N I bothered to ask. I just wanted to give her a piece of my mind and comment and told her I really support her decision to marry and be a MADU, if it makes her happy and yes.. the guy is not old. He is only 3 years her senior. She's  slightly younger than I am and she is still very pretty.

I guess I will have to talk about my "3 words women want to hear" later then..... 


mus said...

i like this post, seriusly.
being a married woman yourself,you have a wide perspective of what to expect from a guy to be a good husband.i thought i was wrong for having high expectation. lg2 psal disiplin n being punctual to work.
n being a big gurl, it is such a difficult decision to make.
mmg xleh ubah ape2 ke kak kalo da guy karakter cmtu? kdg2 perempuan sbb sayang sgt, sggup tutup mata, nnt end up mkn atije tahan perasaan nk cope n adapt with perangai macam tu.

DrSam said...

Nothing much to comment but I like your idea!

Nini said...

laki selalunya malas.. ladies angels :)

Ida Athanazir said...

someone asked me.. 'so, u mean it is okay for guys to have more than 1 wife"

'no... I meant it is okay for the woman to be a second wife provided the guy will really take care of her. And it didn't mean it is okay for men to marry marry and marry and have 2/3 wives'

Ida Athanazir said...

Mus .. yeah, we must have high expectations. It is a big decision and totally tak salah memilih. Coz u r the one gonna live the rest of ur life with the guy.

Doc.. it's okay and thanx.

Nini.. yes!! ;p

Polly said...

I love this post & totally agree with u...
my advise to Miss T, don worry too much even if u're single when your friends around u are all married or wat. Don't "get married" for the sake of "getting married". This is important!! Think of the many wonderful things that u can do when u're "SINGLE"!! That means u still hv chances when u meet up with all those "handsome bachelors"~ Pheweet!!
n when u are married, of course, both of u are responsible & accountable to maintain that good relationship!! Problems arise often but try to solve it!! Not just skip or avoid!!If not, children suffered... Read more books, blogs, etc about relationship, etc... n u'll laugh becoz everyone else is actually facing the same proble like u!! Trust me!
But i will not tolerate men remarry. Not at all! or never!
errmm... i think im commenting too much here liao....

Ida Athanazir said...

wah Polly..

actually, i truly appreciate your comment. yalah, jgn pikir perempuan suka dimadu. Sapa suka??!

ask the men to pun themselves in the women's places, what if we women boleh kawin more than one?? fikir fikir kan lah :p

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