Sunday, February 22, 2009

Friend Marrying Friend's Husband

About 2 years ago, a friend came to me for advice. She was single then and not the kind of person who you think would do anything out of the ordinary.

She got to know this guy through a relative, after about I think 2 or 3 meetings and texting for 2 months, the guy asked for her hand in marriage. She needed someone to talk to and maybe with me being married for so long, she thought I'd know more about relationships (I don't, still learning...). The problem was, the guy was already married, with childrennnnnn. When she described him to me, I already guessed who he was. Kuching is a very small town and everybody knows everyone. He was my friend's husband and a father to my daughters' girlfriends.

I laid out the scenario being a 'madu' (a second wife) to her, everything, I mean everything (it took me 2 hours talking to her), specially the non good ones. Financially, emotionally .... everything. I did not opposed to her wanting to marry nor did I support the idea. Getting married is a good thing, but marrying another woman's husband is a different story altogether. Especially when the other woman is a dear friend of mine and she has growing children (more than 4 children ....). And I try not to take sides either, I said to her, "You're an adult. You can think and make your own decision. It's your life". I kept telling her, whatever decision she made, I would always be behind her. And I told her too, "Don't say I didn't warn you."

Now, they are happily married and have an adorable little bundle of joy, and my friend, she is now a single mother. We met on a few gatherings, she (the single mother) & I talked about what the x-husband did and how he treated her. Like I said, I tried not to take sides but I feel sorry for her kids because I have kids too. Then again, I still want to be a good friend to both of my friends. Life goes on ...

10 comments:

RDZ said...

I don't mind having a wife with kids... =) Well, but I would mind if the age gap is too big though... HAHAHAHA! Just joking Kak Ida.. Nice lil blog you have here... Keep it up... =)

RDZ

p/s: erm, you won't know me by that pseudonym owh... hahaha... Azri here..

RDZ said...

and here's the link... www.rdzmusic.blogpsot.com

Ken Cornellius said...

seems dat that guy sucks..

AmirFX said...

Kalau dah sedia dengan benda cmya sekhal lah.... Jgn kelak men ungkit2.. Tak baik...

elcynthia said...

kinda sad if good families ended up breaking apart. If I were in your shoe, I'll be torn-between since both are friends. But as friend, the most we can do is give opinions. some people believes what you did to others will go back to you... Just hope that there will be no more another 'third person' and your single mother friend will lead better life.^^

The Dusun Aroma said...

uhhh I would definitely disagree to it... Perhaps I would advise your friend to put herself on the others shoes and think before anything..

However, 'nasi sudah menjadi bubur..' and we do believe in 'blessing in disguise'..

yet we should be wise in heart and mind.. that's the difficult thing to do heh..

Wish them all the best.. and you just need to continue a true friend. I believe there's a lesson for everyone, so most importantly - learn the lesson.

Btw, RDZ's comment was funny .. :P

Ida Athanazir said...

Azri, mun dah jodoh bebini janda, pa boleh buat... terima ajak. Amanah tuhan....

Ken, i've no komen , mennnn

Amir, ntah maybe kelak kelak berungkit. biasa lah, manusia

Ely, that time i can't afford to be torn, my focus to give good advice and if possible, i don't to see a family breaking into pieces. the single mother now is happier, i think. luckily her family well off and the sisters are very very suportive, emotionally.

DAroma, I couldn't do that, I think I did in a way, but not directly. That's why I gave her the non good scenarios being a madu. Still she decided to marry the guy, her choice. I never told her not to marry, though actually I wanted to tell her direct not to. But i didn't, not good stopping people from 'membina masjid'.

Felicia F. Ramzi said...

hmm.. just what to comment pun kmk sik tauk.. just, what comes around goes around..

DrSam said...

cinta is really buta. so blind most of the times it couldn't make a good distinction between right or wrong anymore. But of course cinta can be a wonderful feeling too.

Ida Athanazir said...

Fee, I agree.

Doc, cinta is a wonderful thing, just that sometimes hurt others

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